It could always be worse. We must always remember: it could always be worse.
I lost half of my job on Wednesday; next school year I will only be working part time.
Thankful to still have part of my job? Yes. Angry? Frustrated? Sad? I could keep going if you’d like.
But there’s something else, too: Victory.
I’m sorry, did I just say victory? After a partial layoff? A 50% cut in pay, the inability to do my most favorite thing in the world?
Yes, I said victory. Because one thing I did not do when I found out was crumble. I cried (with my principal, because that woman is full of grace), but I had children knocking at my door not 5 minutes later. I was my shiny, peppy self because you can’t look at a first grader who is excited about his Elsa snowflake reward and be cranky.
I’ve just had the best and worst 12 months of my 29 years. I honestly thought the main storms were over. Then not only did I get cut, but the Army intervened big time with husband’s leave.
So where’s this victory?
Well, in all the madness, God seemed intent on teaching me where my identity comes from.
Six months ago, and again 2 weeks ago, I was criticized pretty harshly in regards to how I do my job. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and you can’t please everybody, but I took the first one pretty hard. I cried for 2.5 hours straight, then on and off for the rest of the night. The words spoken to me got to the very core of my being. I questioned everything about myself. Everything. Until my family, friends, and Savior taught (and retaught) me that even though I love my job and I spend 40+ hours a week there, that is not WHO or WHAT I am. It’s part of who and what I am, but not all.
I love my job. See? But if that’s all I am, then I’m going to be missing half of myself come August. If that’s all I am, I would crumble like I did with that first criticism, every single time.
But all year God has used multiple avenues to show me who I am.
I am His daughter. A wife (a military wife!), a puppy parent (yes that’s a real term), a biker, a runner, a writer, a reader. A tennis player, a swimmer, a person who is allergic to most things ;). I wear many hats, and a school counselor is just one of them. There’s always a silver lining, and I’m so thankful that I went through this year and faced harsh criticism. If I hadn’t, I would still place so much of my worth in my job. I was made for many, many more things on this Earth.
I’m sure I’ll be emotional come August. I’m sure I’m still working through the five stages (currently in bargaining, I believe). But this is a victory because I know who I am. I know counseling is part of who I am, not all of who I am. I know God has great plans no matter what. He promises, He delivers.