Wigged out about turning 30?

I turn 30 in 29 days. I wish it was the other way around.

I’m going to be honest here. I’m just not doing do well with this.

I’m not scared. I’m not anxious. I’m not angry. I’m just kind of wigged out. I know it’s just a number, and I certainly don’t look, feel, or act 30 years old. For crying out loud, my favorite joke is a two-part Knock-Knock number.

I was excited to turn 20. I had a journal all about going forward in life and I had an incredible 20th year. It started with dinner, dessert, and gifts at Grandma & Grandpa Pompili’s with pasta & homemade GF cheesecake. It ended with me getting engaged to my best friend. (That’s so cliche, but it’s so true for me!) In my 20s, I met Kimberly Lucas, whom no person should ever go without. I started two careers (at two different times). Got married, wrote & published a novel, raced in a triathlon (despite their marking me with ’30’!), and learned how to swim properly. I learned how to line dance & two step, found a group of friends that are like family, lived in Japan, saw bits of the West Coast, went on three cruises, purchased my first (and probably last) brand new car, stayed illness-free for 20 months (and counting!), read through the Bible (the New Testament twice), experienced a 14-month deployment, solidified my faith, and learned to put my identity in being a child of God because He is my only constant. And millions of moments so close to my heart I don’t dare list them here. So, it’s not like I don’t spend my time wisely.

But that’s the good stuff. The stuff we put in picture frames and on our Facebook statuses and tell our friends about in Christmas newsletters.

The rest of it is the reason I’m a little wigged out to turn 30: I spent my 20s trying to figure out how to be healthy, how to be married, and how to be a grown-up. That’s a lot of figuring out. And it’s tiring. And there are so many mistakes and tears and frustrations and the sense of having zero control over your life and what you want for it. Which is the opposite of what you think it’s going to be like when you’re an I-know-everything teenager dreaming of being an adult.

Yes, ‘happiness is in the journey not the destination’ and ‘process over product’. But how much greater would this product be if the process could be re-done, with the lessons I now have at my disposal? May I have a rewind button? Now that I *kind of* know how to be healthy, married, and a grown-up, could Sheldon Cooper please create a time-and-space continuum for me to travel through my 20s a second time? Please? Anyone else with me? Bazinga?

I think the principle of ‘you only have one shot – make it worth it’ becomes more and more true the older we grow. I’m not discounting second chances and redemption and the opportunity to fix what you think has gone wrong. But I am saying this: you can’t undo anything. The words you say, the relationships you jeopardize, the truths you bend, the time you waste, the time you steal – you don’t get any of that back. You do double work to repair, but the time you’ve lost is in the Universe’s hands now. 

The goal is to get better and better, right? Become the best possible version of yourself on a continuing basis? So that no matter what age we’re at, we are satisfied with how we spent our time leading to the current moment.

So, I can’t go back in time. Sheldon Cooper will be not be creating a time-and-space continuum contraption for my wishful self. But I can go forward. I can use what I’ve learned, use what I’ve been given, and take my next decade to the next level.

I am committed to entering my 30s in celebration of the simple, healthy, and full life with which God has blessed me. So even though I’m not super stoked to be turning 30, I’m thrilled to be celebrating my 30th birthday. I have my dance song and partner picked out for my birthday night at my Happy Place, and I have planned an entire month of funtivities. 30 in 30, since September has 30 days! 🙂

Please, celebrate with me. I’ll be posting my daily celebrations, so you really can!

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You tell me:

Have you ever wanted to use a Life Rewind button and do something differently? What can you do to move forward with purpose, instead of feeling stuck in the past?

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2 comments

  1. You will experience an awakening that midnight. At least, I did. I looked at myself in the mirror and I did not recognize myself. It’s a game changer. You can’t get away with things at 30 that you did in your 20’s. For me, life began at 30 and after being incredibly ill for almost two years, 45 is a joy. Find something to like about every day. It’s there.

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